With our unit's booming census over the last few weeks, I've learned a good bit about how to recognize a crazy day. I'm pleased to share some of that here. Can't even make this stuff up.
It might be a tough day in the NICU if...
- Two fundamentalist Christian night shifters are trying to figure out where they can obtain large quantities of liquor at 0700 on a Sunday without being flagged as alcoholics or heathens in general.
- The report for the chromosome analysis on your infant includes the phrase "never before recorded in a living human being."
- The message "We're dying. Clock in and come help when you get here!" is written on the dry erase board in the lounge.
- The entire night shift is standing at a baby's bedside, arms folded uniformly and heads shaking in unison. And of course, it's your baby today.
- As you're checking the assignment board, the charge nurse's comments include the phrases "I apologize in advance" or "Get your roller skates on" or "I don't want to hear any bitching."
- Shift report takes 25 minutes on your first kiddo, then the offgoing nurse says, "Now for the hard baby."